Again I've done it!

Again, I've done it!
I never cease to amaze myself.

My screenplay submission in the Filmmatic Horror Screenplay Awards, TWISTED FATE, which I consider my best work to date, has become my 223^rd rejection. The results email doesn’t give the typical “thank you for submitting, but…” The email says to go check the list on their website to see if you made it. A little like trying out for high school play back in the 70’s when you had to go check the list to see which role you got. (I always got stagehand) Maybe if I had made it, they would’ve sent a congratulatory email. IDK

I did not find my name as grand prize winner. Nor did I find it on the list of ten semifinalists. I searched the list of 300 quarterfinalists, that was not in alphabetical order. To realize that I didn’t qualify in a field that large was kind of a kick in the teeth.

At the risk of jinxing myself, which I’m not sure is a thing considering how that’s worked out so far, my 224^th and 225^th submissions are currently out in the ether.

Thanks again for reading my rant,

Jim

A Frayed Knot

In response to a recent query, an agent wrote that she was afraid not. Aside from the old joke about a rope that’s refused service in a bar, goes outside, has its friend tie it in a loop and unravel its end. It goes back in and the bartender says, “Aren’t you that rope I threw out of here. The rope says, “I’m a frayed knot.” But back to the agent: It seemed an odd thing to say. An agent never admitted to being scared from my query. She was probably just being flippant in her use of an idiom. What she should have said was, “I believe, regrettably, that the answer is no, or “Unfortunately, no; I regret that that is not so.” Technically, the way she phrased it, it means she is not afraid. But no; I’m afraid not. So it’s a “no?” I’m afraid so. The full sentence should have read, “I’m afraid I can not,” something she probably did not want to admit. I had hoped she would be not afraid, but ‘fraid not. In the words of a John Michael Talbot song, I’d offer my dear agent this advice, “Be not afraid.” However, since much of my writing has taken a dark turn lately, maybe it was a subconscious compliment. My words may have actually scared her. Maybe I had written my query too well. But, then again, maybe knot.

What do you think about this fearful word play?
Have you ever been scared by a book?

Thanks
Jim

Rejection

So, you're a writer? Undoubtedly you've received a rejection letter. (unless you're some type of wonder-child) Maybe if your writing exhibits some hint of promise, you've been lucky enough to receive a personal rejection, and if you're real close, you might have even received some type of constructive criticism or a short note of advice. However, most rejections are the standard "form letter." Believe me, I've had my share. Before the end of 2012, I received my 145th rejection letter, 99th on this particular project.

I've studied how to write a query, with its various required parts. Less than a page including genre, word count, hook, pitch, and author bio. It takes some work to put one together. But no, this is not about the parts of a query. This is about the parts to a form rejection letter.

Part 1- "Thanks for offering us your project." This is the part where they subliminally tell you how great "they" are and how smart you were to try and get them to represent you. It's the "We know we are soooo great" part of the rejection.

Part 2- Right after letting you know how wonderful they are, comes the "No thanks. You Stink." Some subtle, others not so much. They say things like;
"I cannot take on projects unless I feel strongly about them. I'm sorry to say that it didn't happen with this one."
"I am afraid I must pass."
And the most common. "It's not quite the right fit for our Agency."

Part 3- "This is subjective. Now, please go bother someone else with your dreams of becoming published." Typically, they say, "This, of course, is just my opinion and others may feel differently." Duh! Thanks a lot.

Part 4- The final part is usually the, "Good luck when you find someone else to bother." There are variations on this too. There's " We wish you every success." or "I hope you find a great agent who will represent you with the enthusiasm that you deserve." If wishing me good luck actually gave me any luck, I'd be published a dozen times by now.

Finally. If you have received any of these common form rejections, take some solace in the fact that the dear agent at least had the courtesy to copy and paste. One recent rejection I received consisted of a mere three words. "Not for me." Wow! That took some thought. I should feel lucky they took three seconds to trash my hopes and dreams.

Have you ever received a form rejection? Did it contain all four parts? Did it contain anything unusual? Anything funny? Let me know. I'd love to hear from you.

Jim

Rabbit Hole vs. Worm Hole

When the going gets tough, some people bury their head in the ground like an ostrich. (I don't know if ostriches actually do that but I saw it in a cartoon once) Sometimes it's easier to hide from a problem than confront it. A rabbit will lay perfectly still, hoping to avoid conflict. But if trouble gets too close, it will go for its hole. The rabbit is quite smart. Remaining undetected is better then becoming coyote dinner. The rabbit however, will always be a rabbit and more than likely will eventually become the dinner for some carnivore. Rabbits don't usually die of old age. As they slow down, they're no longer able to outrun the predator. The rabbit's main defense against extinction is to make lots of little rabbits before the unavoidable day of painful demise.

Instead of remaining inactive and waiting for your chance to escape into the rabbit hole, and eventually becoming eagle chow, there's another option. The worm hole. No. Not the tiny holes made by slimy legless creatures, but the wrinkle in time and space. In a precursory move, if you jump into the worm hole, you'll arrive at a new destination. The problem will have never existed. It won't have time to follow. Your exotic new destination might have its own problems. A new predator might be larger and have sharper teeth than the coyote. But at least you made the decision to act on your circumstance and did something to change it.

Now, if I only had the courage to take my own advice. Which are you more likely to do in times of trouble? Rabbit hole? or Worm hole?

Jim

Hawk or Squirrel, Hunter or Hunted

This morning I noticed a squirrel standing tall in the middle of my yard. A few seconds later, a Red Tail Hawk swooped in and tried to catch it. The squirrel leapt into the air and avoided certain death. The Hawk landed a few feet away. After several more attacks, and a gymnastic-like presentation of leaps and flips by the bushy-tailed rodent, he escaped into a nearby crabapple tree. The Hawk flew up, landed in the tree, and bobbed its head about looking for the its breakfast. The squirrel escaped by jumping branches through several neighboring trees, leaving the hawk spinning its head in bewilderment and hunger. The hawk eventually flew off and landed on some nearby wires to scan for its next target.

At first I associated with the squirrel; dodging the attacks of life's obstacles. I smiled when the furry little fellow escaped to safety. But as I watched, I realized I was more like the bird on the wire, searching for success and often coming up empty. If he gives up, he'll go hungry. Would God let the Red Tail starve? With no choice but to keep scanning, he'll continue searching for the opportunity to succeed.

What about you? Are you more like the squirrel or the hawk.

Jim

You Want To Be a Writer

So, you want to be a writer? Okay. Let me ask you this. How thick-skinned are you? You're going to need to be like a duck and let everything roll off your back. You need to be prepared for rejection by the fistful. Are you prepared to spend years of intense work and loss of sleep while you balance your writing and your day job. Don't forget you're going to need a day job to support you while you toil away, year after year perfecting your craft.

What can you do to improve your chances. A college degree in writing is a good idea. Although it's not a guarantee. Then there's the reading. You're going to need to read a lot. You need to read books in the genre you're going to be writing in as well as books about writing. And there's no shortage of books about writing to choose from. There are a lot of things you need to know that you just can't pick up by reading. You also need to find a group of knowledgeable writers to help you hone your craft on a personal level.

You're going to need all the knowledge you can gather before you even start to write. Once you decide what genre you want to write in, you need to decide who your audience is. If you know who your writing for, it will be much easier when it comes time to market your work

Oh yeah, don't forget about luck. Almost every rejection letter I've received wishes me the best of luck. By now, with the number of rejections I've received I should have a whole truckload of luck saved up. Now if I could just access it. So as you journey down this road of writing, let me wish you all the luck in the world. You're going to need it.

Jim

Form Rejection

I wrote my first query letter in 2004. On January 27th of this year, I received my 127th rejection on numerous different projects. Not going into the emotions involved in receiving a rejection letter, have you received a one? Not only that, but have you ever received this exact same rejection?

"Thank you for your query. Unfortunately, I'm afraid this project isn't right for me, but I wish you the best of luck in your search for representation."

Of all the letters I've received, nearly a hundred of them are almost identical to this one. Obviously it's a typical form letter, but what a cop out. I research agents to find out which ones represent my genre. There seems to be a lot of agents casting a wide net, making it easy to fall prey to the dreaded form.

I've read some agent blogs about advice they gave to a writer via their query. How the obstinate writer refused to take their advice and never found representation, or how they took the advice and easily found representation and publication, or how they resisted the advice for years until eventually relenting and finding acceptance. Really? Does this actually happen? Apparently not to me. I would even appreciate a "you stink, get out of the business" letter. Better than a form. I'd love to hear from anyone that has ever received advice from an agent or editor based on a query letter.

Jim

Agent Query Rejection

Other than the typical "We wish you the best of luck in finding a home for your work elsewhere,' here is a list of the Top 5 most creative rejections to my query letters.

#5. We urge you to submit your work to other agencies
#4. We hope you will soon find an agent with whom you can establish a productive relationship
#3.Our team appreciated the chance to hear about your project, however...
#2. Thanks so much, this looks very interesting, but...

And, the number 1, most creative rejection...
Thanks so much for thinking of us, but the story line is too close to something we are already considering. (Really? Are you kidding me?)

Have you received any out of the ordinary or particularly creative rejection letters? Let me know about it.