POLITIC
POLITIC
Caution
Ev’rything
you’re about to read
contained
herein, is haiku
(almost)
Conversation
in Haiku
Not
true haiku
Not
true to Japanese roots
Allen
Ginsberg asserted
Haiku
did not fit
(the)
English language
Ginsberg
proposed the Seventeen syllable American Sentence
POLITIC
Campaign
in American Sentence
POLITICK
Politician
Campaign
in American Sentence
Fit for the twitter-verse
Politician
Don’t keep up with the Joneses.
Drag them down to your level
it’s cheaper.
Politicians and diapers
need changed often
for the same reason
Elusive mythical creature
(the) honest politician
POLITICK
Action Seeming sensible
Judicious
Under the circumstances
Prejudice in favor of a
particular political cause
Relating to or
Acting according to,
Int’rest of status
Organizational power
rather than matters of principle
This part is for listeners with rules
mandatory rhyme part
Sort of
Politicism
journalism, activism, anarchism, narcissism,
chauvinism, criticism, cynicism, egotism,
feminism,
humanism,
fed’ralism, conservatism,
lib’ralism, leftism, socialism, fascism,
communism, Leninism, Marxism, Stalinism,
optimism,
opportunism, symbolism, materialism,
patriotism, hooliganism, extremism, racism,
radicalism, obstructionism, unilateralism,
authoritarianism, totalitarianism,
antidisestablishmentarianism
Thus ends the optional mandatory rhyme portion of the poem
MODERATOR
In this debate
we’ve decided whether or not to have a handshake
To have a bell or a buzzer
The audience should remain silent
Unless something extra-ordinary happens,
then, you’ll be scolded
With
seeming narrow path to the Whitehouse
(and)only
one adult on stage
He
can’t be president
He
had something on his lip when he spoke
She
can’t be president
A
giant fly landed on her shirt
while
she spoke
Not
a soul knows what she said
Ev’ryone
was mesmeriz’d by the fly
TRUMP
This guy,
he’s a choke artist
This guy,
he’s a liar
Lies all the time
This guy
This guy here
He repeats himself
I don’t
repeat myself
TRUMP
I saw him repeat himself
five times last week
I don’t
repeat myself
TRUMP
He repeated himself three times
five seconds ago
I don’t
repeat myself
TRUMP
Plus
He’s a liar
He’s the biggest liar since
the Mexican American war
He’s a liar
He’s too Canadian
He’s too low energy
He’s controll’d by lobbyists and donors
You know bing bing bong
you know
He’s a lightweight
He’s a nasty guy
He’s the single biggest liar
BERNIE S
Democratic Socialism
Gonna be HUGE
Free College for all
We can save capitalism
from itself
It’ll be huge
JOHNSON
Aleppo?
What is Aleppo?
KRUZ
I’ll
enact Solutions
not
create slogans
The
nuclear triad is not a rock band
from
the 1980’s
HILLARY
Half
of your voters are from
a Basket
of deplorables
racist,
sexist, homophobic,
xenophobic,
Islamaphobic
You
name it
CARSON
Counting on the uniformed
making use of useful idiots
MODERATOR
You call’d women you don’t
like
fat pigs, dogs, slobs,
disgusting animals
TRUMP
Locker room talk
our biggest problem is political
correctness
HILLARY
Trumped
up, trickle down.
My
father was a drap’ry maker.
My
husband did a pretty good job.
TRUMP
NAFTA is the single worst
trade deal ever signed
in hist’ry
Anywhere.
HILLARY
That
is just not correct.
I
was against it once.
But
now I’m for it
TRUMP
You called it the gold standard.
Called it the gold standard.
You have no plan
HILLARY
You
can pick up my book
at
the groc’ry store or airport.
You
make all these claims.
TRUMP
Facts.
HILLARY
I
know you live in your own little reality.
Look
at my website.
TRUMP
Look at
my website.
HILLARY
I
have a feeling
that
by the end of the evening,
I’m
going to be blamed for everything
that’s
ever happened.
TRUMP
Why not?
Typical politician,
all talk, no action.
sounds good, doesn’t work,
never gunna happen.
HILLARY
It’s
My granddaughter’s birthday
for
her the wealthy must pay their fair share
TRUMP
Release your emails
I
made a mistake
using
a private e-mail server.
TRUMP
It’s not a mistake
when it’s done purposefully.
Release the emails
BERNIE S
The American people
are sick and tired
of hearing about your emails
HILLARY
Release
your tax return
Maybe
he’s not as rich as he says he is.
Maybe
he’s not as charitable
as
he claims to be.
Maybe
he doesn’t
want
you to know he’s paid nothing.
TRUMP
That makes me smart.
HILLARY
That’s
zero for troops,
Zero
for schools,
zero
for health,
zero
for vets.
Something
terrible he’s trying to hide.
Can
only guess what it is.
TRUMP
My father gave me a small loan
Turned it into billions and billions.
HILLARY
I’ve
met a lot of people
stif’d
by you, your comp’ny.
Drap(e)ry
hangers
TRUMP
That’s call’d business by the way,
I take advantage of the laws.
Don’t like it? Change the law.
you’ve been doing this for 30 years.
Why haven’t you fixed it?
HILLARY
Our
biggest enemies are not the NRA,
not
the health insurance companies,
Not
the drug companies,
not
the Iranians,
It’s
the republicans
Syria
is a quagmire in a quagmire
Chaos
in the middleeast
Russia
TRUMP
China
JOHNSON
Aleppo?
TRUMP
Benghazi
HILLARY
You
encouraged Russia
to
engage in cyber attacks
TRUMP
You don’t know it’s Russia.
You keep saying
Russia Russia Russia,
maybe it was.
It could Russia.
It could also be China.
It could have been anyone.
It could have also been someone
sitting on their bed
that weighs 400 pounds.
HILLARY
You’re
Putin’s puppet
TRUMP
No, you’re the puppet,
You’re the puppet.
It all sounds good.
HILLARY
Fracking
is a crisis of historical consequence
Suicide
course
TRUMP
Wrong. It’s all words
Our leaders are stupid
polititions are stupid
HILLARY
Im
just gunna let you talk.
I’m
just gunna scratch my nose
blink
my eyes,
Occasional
incredulous smile
Economic
dislocation
TRUMP
It’s china, and mexico.
Jobs, jobs, jobs.
Reduce taxes.
Jobs, jobs, jobs.
HILLARY
It’s
easy to diagnose the problem,
harder
to do something about it
TRUMP
China built a wall
3000 years ago.
Nobody gets through that.
JOHNSON
Aleppo?
TRUMP
Nobody likes you
HILLARY
I’m committed
to raising taxes on the rich.
My
contributions will go up.
His
contributions will go up.
As
long as he can’t figure out how to get out of it.
TRUMP
Such a nasty woman
Such a nasty woman
With pneumonia
HILLARY
Purveyor
of hate
Close
the gun show loophole
End
straw man purchases
TRUMP
That’s all very nice
But it’s wrong
I’ll Jumpstart Manufacturing
HILLARY
Are
you sure?
That
doesn’t sound right.
Punish
the gay marriage decenters
TRUMP
I don’t think you heard me right
You’re having a hard time
tonight
Aren’t you?
HILLARY
I’m
not going to contradict myself
A
third grader understands
TRUMP
There’s no statute of
limitations on lies
Tell the truth
It’s easy
HILLARY
I’ll
work for
Jobs
and education
not
jails and incarceration
TRUMP
You didn’t answer the question
Are you or are you not
For or against
HILLARY
He
said about what I said,
After
what I said about what he said
TRUMP
You have a tenuous relationship
with the truth
You always have
HILLARY
That’s
a completely ridiculous answer
You’re
just blowing hot hair
TRUMP
Undergird the insinuation
Terrorism counterterrorism
HILLARY
ev’ry
time you say another crazy thing
Raise
the minimum wage.
JOHNSON
Aleppo?
TRUMP
I fought the entire Washington establishment and won
I’m still here
HILLARY
Today
Fathers
will say to their daughters
you
too can be president
TRUMP
We must bind the wounds of division
Come together as united people
Carson
As one nation, under God
Pick up the baton of freedom and run
HILLARY
We stand together
Work together
With respect for our diff’rences
Strength in our convictions
Love for this nation
our best days are ahead
Star and stripes will wave high
God bless the United States of America
Jim
