Friday, April 1, 2016

Abandonment of a Dream


I’m saddened to announce, I must abandon my dream of succeeding as an author. I do not arrive at this decision lightly. After more than twenty years and over 200 projects I have received my 2000th rejection. What does this tell me? It’s time to hang it up. Many other determining factors have contributed to this painful decision. Not the least of which is the pay grade. At the calculated rate of 0.003 per hour (yes, that’s three tenths of a cent per hour), I’ve had to work and entire year just to buy myself a cup of coffee. With five children that have grown up with a recluse father and a wife that rarely sees me, I’ve decided to come out of the cold, dark recesses of my writing cell. So, to the one poor soul out there eagerly awaiting my next masterpiece, I bid you farewell. Au Revoir. Adios. Auf Wiedersehen. Sayonara. Goodbye. Now I can follow my dream of becoming a chimney sweep in London.